the chaos and confusion

It’s 1:30am.

I’m actually not at work. I’m at home. But I did work last night, and having slept all day today, now I’m not tired. This happens often. Usually I will read in bed until I fall asleep.

Tonight, I acting very out of character. While Joe snores next to me, I get out of bed, and come downstairs and make a sandwich. (Only peanut butter on toast b/c there is not a lick of jelly in the entire pantry. Not surprising b/c I usually do not have the foresight to stock up on necessities, like toilet paper, until we are completely out, and have to make an emergency run to Walgreens).

It’s weird for me to be downstairs alone while everyone else is sleeping. Joe and I have un-spoken rule of always going to bed together, except of course when I’m working. (This rule falls under the same category of always sitting on the same side of a booth at a restaurant.)

So (if you’re still reading, b/c I know that was a really long and boring preface) since I am bored, I decide to catch up on 5 or 6 various blogs that I attempt to follow. They are written mostly by moms, who are crafty, witty and also (is this related?) do not work full-time. Topics include how to frost a handmade Halloween cookie, and rehab-ing an old closet into a spacious nursery for your newborn.

This leaves me feeling very non-productive and honestly, inept. Not just as a mom, but in a bigger way.

I am feeling restless again.

I have nothing to complain about. The house, the job, the family, the Saviour. It’s all here. But I feel like I’m missing something still.

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I reaching you?